(short) The Martian ambassador
Plot: Casually dressed and wishing to establish diplomatic relations, the Martian ambassador is not allowed to enter the British embassy in Dublin.
The discovery of happiness, I, II and III
Film type: Straight and gay porn, parody of porn and political satire. Fails to meet righteous expectations about exposure on public thoroughfares, anal intercourse
and group sex. Superficial and non-analytical. A good suggestion for anyone trying to write comedy is to study Aristophanes. All subsequent comedy is toned down
and less funny because of that. Heavy grunting does not do all it should for me. I think it can partly be edited out. A fucking sound could be the sound of a squishy
piston combined with a bit of the play doh material that produces a farting sound. This is unnatural, but if not too loud probably quite funny.
Plot: Theresa May's government's plans to nationalise reproduction fail disastrously. In filming scenes, Virgin Porn director Clark (a look-alike of Clark Gable)
explains his intentions. Are his attempts to flirt with biology student Lois doomed to failure, or will he find the right man?
Locations: Brighton, Glasgow, train from Glasgow to Manchester, train from Manchester to Pontypridd, London, Athens and Edinburgh.
The Soviet Gang-Bang Competition
Film type: Porn, instruction manual and political satire. A reflection on revolution, propaganda and the social systems that go with it. The film includes discussions
of Russian history, its political system and Russian Orthodox doctrine.
Plot: In a competion like the Eurovision Song Contest, Vadim Putin is fucked by the leaders of the Soviet Union from Lenin to Yeltsin. In a peliminary interview
on a relaxed arm chair, Putin is asked whether he feels nervous. He is asked what he thinks of Joseph Stalin, who is a bit of an anaconda. The sequence is decided
by selecting balls like the National Lottery. A breezy female presenter introduces each fuck, where the competitors describe what they want Putin to do. Afterwards
she interviews patriarchs of the Russian Orthodox Church about what they think of the performances. Occasionally there are action replays. Finally the presenter
invites the viewers to vote. Joseph Stalin wins, and Putin does a final repeat with the winner. The film closes with a large crowd in a vast auditorium cheering.
Film type: Serious.
I need to work out whether female porn is Wuthering Heights and Lady Chattersley's Lover. It is probably about intimacy, and all good porn should be about this.
A lesbian couple, F1 a Lebanese christian and F2 a Jewish progressive are shown in natural surroundings in a relationship that works. The film starts with F1 naked
and dressing to the music of Mozart. They have a dog Skippy, converse with a neighbour and take it for a walk.
Film type: Serious, then satire.
Plot: The first one third of the film is a natural account of lads playing football. One goes to football management school, where he is taught about transfer fees.
The comedy appears half way through. In a class, a football is described as a square object with rollers underneath. A conference in Singapore discusses 'What
is a football?'. A Saudi prince buys up all the world's football stadiums, and is advised by an accountant to turn them into car parks. A man and his son enter the
world's first football car park, buying a football T-shirt and a football - a square object with rollers underneath.
Film type: Comedy then tragedy.
Plot: The component moves from one society to another, where he becomes an invalid object. Driven insane, he runs out screaming into the street and is knocked
over by a bus.
Film type: Serious.
Plot: An exploration of the family life and customs of a Reform Jewish family through three generations. In each of the three stages a grandmother dies and leaves
a shawl to her daughter. The daughter repairs the shawl. Finally the shawl contains no material of the original shawl, but is still the same shawl.
Film type: Documentary. U is an asylum seeker. An early document about him is in the Politics and Human Rights section.
Plot: I want to show him in his own words and his life story, both as himself and interspersed with this story from his friends. I want the audience to know what it is to
be a devout Muslim, the persecution that asylum seekers face, the fortitude and calm that Islam gives to someone persecuted because of this, the reactions and support
in love of the community around him, both Muslim and non Muslim, and his occasional triumphs after much struggle against the system that is confining him despite
the attempts to drive him into destitution.
Film type: Tragedy.
Plot: At the end of one of his plays, Euripides is proclaimed by others, and knows himself, that he is the greatest tragedean of all time. Facing his own death, he declares
himself a god, and despite the urgings of others, he ascends a volcano to defy God himself, to his certain and horrible death.