Sex is not the answer. It is the question
The answer is Yes
Jim was in a hotel in Sweden and eager to learn Swedish. Unfortunately something happened which is a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. Jim is not even sure what he was trying to say to the
hotel receptionist. Anyway, it was a disaster, and he could see it coming from a long distance. He was talking in more than one language, so this could not have occurred except under
those conditions. It was further connected with very specific conditions which had happened to him that day, and were slightly unusual. It was not deliberate, to begin with. There
were an extraordinary set of circumstances that meant he was weaving a massively constructed innuendo which meant he was suggesting the receptionist go to bed and sleep with him.
He was horrified, it was Unenglish, and he knew you could definitely not make such a serious suggestion in England. So whilst he was speaking, he was struggling to find a way out of
the innuendo that he was walking towards with high walls on either side. So he said an innuendo was coming, and he did not know what to do about it. He continued talking about this
straightforward task. Then he could not go on any further, he stopped talking. The receptionist said: 'Go on'. He was deeply uneasy. He does not go to bed with hotel receptionists out of the
blue. But there were two things in his favour. The first was, that the punch line of the innuendo was completely natural. It could entirely be interpreted in that way. The second was
that this was Sweden, with liberal attitudes to sex, so why could he not continue, and she would have the option of ignoring the innuendo and responding in a normal way, if as he
thought would be the case, the offer would be refused since he was seventy, and she was at most 30? Anyway, he is English and does not do this thing at all. It is a great millstone around
his personality that he does not make, and almost completely does not know how to make, sexual advances. So he could experiment with the Swedish social system to see if it were as
progressive as it claimed it was. He had no option, even though he now realised that Swedes do not have a sense of humour, and therefore could not laugh this off as they would in
England, as a very clever and amusing innuendo that was clearly a joke because of age incompatibility, even though he had entirely blundered into it. As expected, she responded that
he was not able to make the remark, he apologised at not too great a length, and retired under the satisfaction that he had navigated out of a social impasse, basically by ignoring the
problem as if it wasn't there. She was clearly not angry, not pleased but did not say so, and he decided to give the hotel a wide berth if he could, although he was resident there, so the
matter at length could rest and be forgotten.
This was the case, but the next day in the afternoon he went to his room. Having rested on the bed for a while, he heard a knocking on the door. Not wanting any visitors, he took the
plastic key out of the crevice which enabled the light, retired to the bathroom, locked its door internally, and switched off its light. The door knocking continued and someone was
saying insistently, 'Mr Adams'. He kept quiet. It turned out two people had entered the room, and after a very short pause, they knocked on the bathroom door, repeatedly and rather
loudly saying 'Mr Adams'. Terrified he responded 'Wait a minute'. He sat on the toilet and had a crap, having turned on the light. he then wiped his bottom and flushed the toilet. He washed
his hands, they were clearly waiting for him, they said so. He dried his hands. There were two people in the bedroom, one a security officer he had had pleasant conversations with and
had suggested means of getting out of his circumstances in the hotel for something better. The receptionist (not the one he had spoken to) said: 'You are asked to leave the hotel.'
Quietly, he said 'I'm sorry, I'm very sorry, as I explained my speech and circumstances led me to to say something that normally I would never have done. I did not intend it.' She
responded 'You will have to leave today. Here is a receipt for your refund for your remaining stay. You are at liberty to stay for a further hour.' He responded 'I understand. I will go.
But I have done nothing wrong, nothing at all. What is the reason for you doing this? There is nothing in law, nor any ethical or moral reason.' The response was 'We do not have
to give explanations. You must go.' He thinks if instead he had said at some stage to the receptionist 'Hello sweetie', everything would have been OK!
God, are you gay?
I'm not letting on, I'm just going to let you work it all out for yourself!
Come on God, are you gay?
Look around you, what do you see?
Well, man, are you gay too?
That's a bit risque, I'd rather consider it 'at length!'
That's not good enough, are you Gay?
I'm sorry, but I'm not fully prepared.
Well, if you're NOT gay, what are you?
OK, but I didn't think so.
Not good enough, you were misled.
That's only your opinion, and mine.
I now have to work out whether it is true in practice!
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